I'm blessed to live in Hawaii, where the temperature is consistently warm and allows for an "Island Style" home, which means there's not much point in locking the doors, since some portions of the house were built without walls.

It's wonderful! The shower is outdoors and the view is spectacular. I can sit on the toilet and look at the ocean. The sounds of birds, the fragrance of tropical flowers, the freshly plucked papayas - nature abounds.

It's Paradise! BUT... (click here for the rest of the story)

BUT! a couple nights ago nature got WAY-TOO-CLOSE!

While I slept, nature silently crept up onto my bed in the darkness and... took a bite!    YOWZA!!!  MY FINGER!!

I yanked back my hand, I whipped on the light, and I'm not sure if I dreamed this part or actually saw it, but it sure looked like a BIG FEROCIOUS RAT!

I apologize for all the exclamation marks, but truly - can you blame me?

 - my finger felt like it was on fire, and it was bleeding. It was 2 am, I was extremely tired and it wasn't safe to sleep in my own bed. After all, he'd tasted blood - my blood. Maybe he'd be back for more - with friends.

OK Buddy! This means WAR!

A trip to the hardware store and I was armed - rat traps - those sticky kind that grab their fur and won't let go.

Allow a  little time to pass, the setting of the sun - Voila!  Ha-Ha! Caught you, you slimmy,

evil little (BIG!) %&*$#!!! !!!!!

Yea! Caught! Now I'll take your head off with a shovel! Or how 'bout I smash you with a great big hunk a lava rock? Or I could just put you in a plastic bag and slip you in the trash can. How about that, you little mongrel?

See, me and the rat were having a chat. And I must admit my temper got the best of me and I even gave him a couple snaps on the ear just to make sure he was paying attention. No, I'm not the one who took that little bite out of his ear. Anyway, he looked at me with those beady eye's and pled for forgiveness - said he was sorry even. Explained that he was a carnivore, that although he appreciated the few bites he took from the avacodo on the kitchen counter...

That's supposed to win my heart? So I grabbed him up and off we went - for "a walk" - THE WALK.

I found a flashlight and grabbed a bottle of olive oil (I like my rat with a little olive oil, how do you like yours?) and off we went down the road - out the driveway. This is a good ways, a healthy distance (one would think), especially for rat legs. It's a flag lot, which means the driveway extends the distance of the neighboring property. And then across the street - after all, this dirty deed can't take place on our own soil.

I set him down and gave him a little more "what for". Told him this town was too small for the both of us, and that "if I EVER see you again!!!" It's the shovel, buddy!! And I proceeded to pour olive oil on his head. Well that sure surprised him - he didn't like that one bit. I poured a little more -- drenched him in it and he squirmed like crazy and then...

He was FREE! 

And you know what that liitle rat %$#@! did? He ran across the road right back to the driveway. I think he made it home before me. Now he's covered in oil, so the traps that remain won't hold him.

Aarrgh!!! Now how am I supposed to get any sleep?!?